A Little Background

This will probably be brief, but I hope to post more soon. Many of you have heard that my father passed away Sunday evening. His services will be Saturday, so we are visiting New Orleans and the Gulf Coast during our trek. This is not the typical (if there is such a thing) death of a parent. You see, I haven't spoken to my father in years. Growing up he was in and out of my life, coming and going as he pleased. He became an alcoholic and my times with him as a teenager were spent with him and his drunk friends who at times tried to come on to me. He would always say how he loved me and how proud he was of me, but I couldn't believe him. I thought, "how can you love me when you don't even know me." There came a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I had to move on and get on with my life, and that meant without hopes of him ever being there for me. The last time I talked to him was several years ago when he said that he wanted to give me away at my wedding. "Not a chance," I thought, but didn't say much about it. Recent years not seeing him has been more my decision and not his. I had just begun to think that maybe I should get in touch with him so that he could meet Andrew. However, it wasn't top on the priority list,as I didn't know how it would play out.

Monday morning I received the call that I knew would come at some point. My aunt was on the other end of the phone. She said that we had lost my dad. I don't understand a lot of what she said, but basically they found him in his bed on Monday morning.

My initial thoughts were, "Maybe I'll make it to the funeral." These didn't last long as I thought I should be there, if nothing else, for my brothers. When reality began to sink in I knew that I needed to be there for my own healing. Even though in many ways I said good bye to him a long time ago, there's more to be dealt with.

(I understand that this is very to the point and emotionless, kind of mater of fact). I apologize for this as it is the most natural way for me to speak of such things...

My feelings are all mixed up. Most of them are not what you might initially think when you hear that I lost my Father. I'll save them for another post, maybe later on today.

I covet your prayers as I work through all this. Also, that my family would see and know Christ. I haven't seen most of them in a very long time, so please play for the restorative process of our relationships and that I would clearly reflect the love of Christ in the midst of brokeness.