Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Test
Testing another blog client for the iPhone. I've been frustrated by all that I've tried, because I'll write a long post and for one reason or another the post never sends to my blog. Sooo... We shall see.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Dinner Time Nap
I have to preface this with...
Don't worry, he didn't hit his head on the table! The boy refused to nap all day. This is him at dinner at 4:30.
Don't worry, he didn't hit his head on the table! The boy refused to nap all day. This is him at dinner at 4:30.
Little Munchkin
I often have to chuckle to myself as my little 2 footer walks around the house speaking his own babble language that sounds like a chinese dialect. It's especially funny if I catch him out of the corner of my eye or he sneaks up from behind. There's a little person in my house, in my life, following me around everywhere making funny noises and saying sentences fully (in his own language of course). Today he found a new way to save some of his lunch for a little snack. He is stuffing peas down his shirt as we speak! It's joyous and humorous to watch this little guy grow and develop.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
okay... sorry... it's been so long
Yeah, I know. If any of you actually follow this you are asking where I've been. When I get so behind on this blog, it's overwhelming to jump back in. There's so much I could tell you about.
Firstly, I LOVE being at home with Andrew. He is a delight as he grows and talks and walks and learns all kinds of new stuff. He is so focused and intrigued by new stuff. I think he will be a lot like his dad.
He talks... a lot. he picks up anything flat and holds it to his ear and talks to daddy on the phone as he walks around the house. He tests his strength by crushing grapes and cereal between his index finger and thumb. He is great at pitching and dumping food (my vacuum lives by his chair). He is very friendly, saying "Hi!" with excitement to everyone he sees. I feel so bad if they don't say hey back, because he watches them until they do.
He loves ball, kicking, throwing, and shooting in his hoop (okay at this point it's more of a dunk, but I'm working on the three). He loves books even more. One of our favorite activities is to play at the library a couple of times a week. Of course he still loves to be outside, but with the recent heat, we don't get out much unless it's to a water destination. I wish there were more shade trees in FL.
Other than Andrew...
I get out once a week to a women's Bible study on Thursday nights. Being that it's the first time in 14 months that I've actually done something consistently for myself, its a true blessing. We are studying the psalms of ascents (Beth Moore Stepping UP, to be exact). More on this in a later post.
I have been learning the game of couponing, I'll also have to write more about this later. I'm saving hundreds of dollars and getting a lot for free by pairing coupons up with sales and following a few blogs that tell you about the hot deals to be had. One such site is dealseekingmom.com and another is iheartcvs.com.
Well, hopefully that's enough to get my feet wet into blogging, again....
sorry for such an earful!
Firstly, I LOVE being at home with Andrew. He is a delight as he grows and talks and walks and learns all kinds of new stuff. He is so focused and intrigued by new stuff. I think he will be a lot like his dad.
He talks... a lot. he picks up anything flat and holds it to his ear and talks to daddy on the phone as he walks around the house. He tests his strength by crushing grapes and cereal between his index finger and thumb. He is great at pitching and dumping food (my vacuum lives by his chair). He is very friendly, saying "Hi!" with excitement to everyone he sees. I feel so bad if they don't say hey back, because he watches them until they do.
He loves ball, kicking, throwing, and shooting in his hoop (okay at this point it's more of a dunk, but I'm working on the three). He loves books even more. One of our favorite activities is to play at the library a couple of times a week. Of course he still loves to be outside, but with the recent heat, we don't get out much unless it's to a water destination. I wish there were more shade trees in FL.
Other than Andrew...
I get out once a week to a women's Bible study on Thursday nights. Being that it's the first time in 14 months that I've actually done something consistently for myself, its a true blessing. We are studying the psalms of ascents (Beth Moore Stepping UP, to be exact). More on this in a later post.
I have been learning the game of couponing, I'll also have to write more about this later. I'm saving hundreds of dollars and getting a lot for free by pairing coupons up with sales and following a few blogs that tell you about the hot deals to be had. One such site is dealseekingmom.com and another is iheartcvs.com.
Well, hopefully that's enough to get my feet wet into blogging, again....
sorry for such an earful!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
One Last Conversation
If I could talk to my father one more time I would hope I could express clearly to him why I decided to move on without him. Not out of hatred and anger, but out of truth, I would want him to know what life was like without him around. I would want him to understand that a child can only be let down so many times before they give up on a person.
I would tell him I do have a few good memories from when I was real young, I only wish that they would've continued. Like when he would drive us in his old beat up pickup truck. He convinced us that it was a spaceship and would have us close our eyes as he pushed the magic button to take off. We'd close our eyes and he'd give a narrative of our space experience, sound effects and all. Or I'd remind him of us all singing "She'll be comin' arround the mountain when she comes," and other songs to pass time as we drove. And then there's one of my favorite. When he would read Sleeping Beauty to us sometimes before bed, he'd reverse the letters through the whole story and tell us about "Beeping Sleauty". We always squealed at how hillarious the story became.
Yes, if only the memories continued.
I would tell him it was hard to see him less and less. It was heartbreaking that he'd make promises that he wouldn't keep. He wasn't there when I needed a dad, and that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that when he needed a shoulder to lean on, he expected me as a teenager to be that person. I would want him to know that he left a big hole in my heart.
I would tell him that in college, I found my true Father, one who would never leave or forsake me and who could fill that hole and continues to do so.
I would explain to him that he wanted to much from me after not being a part of my childhood. I'd make it clear that I wanted someone who had a large part of my life to walk me down the aisle, and therefore, couldn't fulfill his request to do so. I'd tell him it wasn't about him on that day.
I would tell him that I forgive him for all this. I'd explain that I could only do so through the forgiveness I have received in Christ. I know that there are things to which I need to be forgiven as well. I'd tell him that I know I didn't communicate clearly to him how I felt and that I needed to be forgiven for that. I trust that I am forgiven for any unhealthy ways that I have handled the past.
I would tell him that I just had to move on, that I could not carry the burden of him. I couldn't deal with the relationship as it was so I had to let go.
I would let him know that I understood, to a point, where he was coming from. I understand that life is hard and we crumble as we are dealt a hard hand. I'd want to empathize with the life he was dealt.
I would want him to know that I will not crumble and my life will not be in shambles because I have been restored in Christ. I would wish and pray that he'd know the same healing power that I have found.
I would want him to be in peace. I'd want him to experience forgiveness.
I would tell him I do have a few good memories from when I was real young, I only wish that they would've continued. Like when he would drive us in his old beat up pickup truck. He convinced us that it was a spaceship and would have us close our eyes as he pushed the magic button to take off. We'd close our eyes and he'd give a narrative of our space experience, sound effects and all. Or I'd remind him of us all singing "She'll be comin' arround the mountain when she comes," and other songs to pass time as we drove. And then there's one of my favorite. When he would read Sleeping Beauty to us sometimes before bed, he'd reverse the letters through the whole story and tell us about "Beeping Sleauty". We always squealed at how hillarious the story became.
Yes, if only the memories continued.
I would tell him it was hard to see him less and less. It was heartbreaking that he'd make promises that he wouldn't keep. He wasn't there when I needed a dad, and that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that when he needed a shoulder to lean on, he expected me as a teenager to be that person. I would want him to know that he left a big hole in my heart.
I would tell him that in college, I found my true Father, one who would never leave or forsake me and who could fill that hole and continues to do so.
I would explain to him that he wanted to much from me after not being a part of my childhood. I'd make it clear that I wanted someone who had a large part of my life to walk me down the aisle, and therefore, couldn't fulfill his request to do so. I'd tell him it wasn't about him on that day.
I would tell him that I forgive him for all this. I'd explain that I could only do so through the forgiveness I have received in Christ. I know that there are things to which I need to be forgiven as well. I'd tell him that I know I didn't communicate clearly to him how I felt and that I needed to be forgiven for that. I trust that I am forgiven for any unhealthy ways that I have handled the past.
I would tell him that I just had to move on, that I could not carry the burden of him. I couldn't deal with the relationship as it was so I had to let go.
I would let him know that I understood, to a point, where he was coming from. I understand that life is hard and we crumble as we are dealt a hard hand. I'd want to empathize with the life he was dealt.
I would want him to know that I will not crumble and my life will not be in shambles because I have been restored in Christ. I would wish and pray that he'd know the same healing power that I have found.
I would want him to be in peace. I'd want him to experience forgiveness.
A Little Background
This will probably be brief, but I hope to post more soon. Many of you have heard that my father passed away Sunday evening. His services will be Saturday, so we are visiting New Orleans and the Gulf Coast during our trek. This is not the typical (if there is such a thing) death of a parent. You see, I haven't spoken to my father in years. Growing up he was in and out of my life, coming and going as he pleased. He became an alcoholic and my times with him as a teenager were spent with him and his drunk friends who at times tried to come on to me. He would always say how he loved me and how proud he was of me, but I couldn't believe him. I thought, "how can you love me when you don't even know me." There came a point where I couldn't take it anymore. I had to move on and get on with my life, and that meant without hopes of him ever being there for me. The last time I talked to him was several years ago when he said that he wanted to give me away at my wedding. "Not a chance," I thought, but didn't say much about it. Recent years not seeing him has been more my decision and not his. I had just begun to think that maybe I should get in touch with him so that he could meet Andrew. However, it wasn't top on the priority list,as I didn't know how it would play out.
Monday morning I received the call that I knew would come at some point. My aunt was on the other end of the phone. She said that we had lost my dad. I don't understand a lot of what she said, but basically they found him in his bed on Monday morning.
My initial thoughts were, "Maybe I'll make it to the funeral." These didn't last long as I thought I should be there, if nothing else, for my brothers. When reality began to sink in I knew that I needed to be there for my own healing. Even though in many ways I said good bye to him a long time ago, there's more to be dealt with.
(I understand that this is very to the point and emotionless, kind of mater of fact). I apologize for this as it is the most natural way for me to speak of such things...
My feelings are all mixed up. Most of them are not what you might initially think when you hear that I lost my Father. I'll save them for another post, maybe later on today.
I covet your prayers as I work through all this. Also, that my family would see and know Christ. I haven't seen most of them in a very long time, so please play for the restorative process of our relationships and that I would clearly reflect the love of Christ in the midst of brokeness.
Monday morning I received the call that I knew would come at some point. My aunt was on the other end of the phone. She said that we had lost my dad. I don't understand a lot of what she said, but basically they found him in his bed on Monday morning.
My initial thoughts were, "Maybe I'll make it to the funeral." These didn't last long as I thought I should be there, if nothing else, for my brothers. When reality began to sink in I knew that I needed to be there for my own healing. Even though in many ways I said good bye to him a long time ago, there's more to be dealt with.
(I understand that this is very to the point and emotionless, kind of mater of fact). I apologize for this as it is the most natural way for me to speak of such things...
My feelings are all mixed up. Most of them are not what you might initially think when you hear that I lost my Father. I'll save them for another post, maybe later on today.
I covet your prayers as I work through all this. Also, that my family would see and know Christ. I haven't seen most of them in a very long time, so please play for the restorative process of our relationships and that I would clearly reflect the love of Christ in the midst of brokeness.
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